The Twins are Three!

It is so cliche, but I quite literally can't fathom how it has been 3 years since these two were born. It feels like we skipped a year somehow. The first year with twins was bliss, or at least I'll say I honestly loved it. I really, truly enjoyed having twin babies. I was a little sad that I felt like we were so busy that I didnt get to fully soak up all of their baby-ness, but what parent doesn't feel that way about each of their kids? The last year and a half or so so, however, has been hard. Really hard. I knew going into it that the toddler years would be harder than the baby years. That has certainly been the case with my other kids. Lately, it feels so hard sometimes that I have these fleeting wishes that we had stopped at 2 kids or that I'm really just not wired to be a mom. I've been pretty unhappy lately and I think I've been dragging everyone down with me. I keep thinking that I just have to make it to four years old with these two and then life will be so much more manageable. Unfortunately, I think I've missed out on a lot of simple joy because I'm just waiting for something better to come along. Whenever I stop and look at the twins, I am literally overcome with how amazingly perfect they are. They are seriously some of the most beautiful children I've ever seen, and i know exactly how self-serving that sounds. They are a unit. This perfect little team that understands each other, relies on each other, loves each other, and I'm the person aside from each other that they love most. It's not always going to be that way. One of my sadness over having twins was that I worried they wouldn't need me the same way their sisters did. I think someday that will be true, but for now, they still love me. Despite my crankiness, my impatience, my eyeball rolls and sighs, my constant distraction, my yelling. Yesterday I was so frustrated with myself for losing it with all the kids AGAIN and Britta told me "it's okay mom, everyone makes mistakes, except Jesus." Gosh, these kids are something special and I really want to be a good mom for them. I want to love being a mom and not just grit my teeth and bear it, like I've been doing for a long time now. So, even though 3 is definitely harder than 2, I don't want to just survive this year. I want to really enjoy it. It is the last time I will have toddlers (praise be!), and as much as I'm not a fan of toddlers, is there anything cuter than a tiny little voice saying grown up words or little sticky fingers or kids you can still carry on your hip? We call them "the babies" and they always will be my babies, no matter how big they get.