Twins

Some people struggle for months or years to conceive, while we need merely think about adding to our family and it happens. As grateful as I constantly need to remind myself to be about this, it also serves as a double-edged sword. Inevitably I am shocked when I find myself pregnant so quickly and need some time to absorb the news and feel excited about it.

This time around we were in the midst of some pretty significant changes when we found out I was pregnant. We had just listed our home, were getting ready to make a big move to a house that needed a full remodel, would be living with Chris's parents, and I was working full-time. We thought for a brief moment that we weren't going to be undergoing all of these changes and decided to try getting pregnant. By the time we realized it was going to be a crazy time in our lives and probably not the easiest time to add to the insanity, I was already expecting.

So, I resolved myself to make the most of it, deal with my morning sickness through, packing, moving, and working and just not worry about what I couldn't control. And then I went to the Dr. Twins.

I went to my appointment alone because I figured "Hey, round #3, I got this. Chris doesn't need to take time off of work." As soon as the Dr. told me it was twins, I started bawling. Then I started laughing and then I cried some more. I was in shock. Twins were nowhere on my radar and clearly the last thing we needed in a house that already required remodeling to house the two children we currently have. I'll admit, I was even a little bit mad. Like Heavenly Father was playing some sort of sick joke on me or punishing me for something. I can;t even count the number of times I have thought "Man, I would hate to have twins."

When I got home from my appointment, I could barely even get the news out to Chris before breaking down again. He almost didn't believe me. How could we be having twins?! How does that happen?!

Over the next several days, my mind was filled with all sorts of panic. "How big am I going to get?" "How do you nurse two babies?" "How do you leave the house with two babies?" "How do you parent FOUR children, five and under?" How do you get anything done?" "Where are we going to put all these kids?" "How much is this going to cost?" "Are they going to have to be in the NICU, what are the risks, am I going to have to have a c-section?" And on and on.

Truth be told, I still have a mental freak-out about once a week. Overall, the pregnancy has been pretty easy, except for some morning sickness in the first trimester. While it has been physically better than I though tit would be, It has been emotionally much more taxing than with my first two. I worry more about the babies, I feel a huge sense of dread when I think about what it is actually going to be like, I feel jealous of people who are only going to add one, manageable baby to their family, I get sad thinking we'll never have any boys, the non-stop nursing thing has me all in a tizzy, and mostly I just feel like I have no idea what to really expect.

Yesterday I had an ultrasound. I am currently 30 weeks pregnant and have had several. It is always fun to see the babies, but the ultrasounds have never gotten me excited the way they did with Britta and Elodie. But this time, the babies were snuggled so close to each other and you could see their mouths opening and closing and the hair on their heads. For the first time, they were like real babies to me, not just some overwhelming, scary future I'm slowly marching (waddling) my way toward. For the first time, I felt a flicker of excitement thinking about meeting them. So I did what any self-respecting mother would do and went out and bought them matching dresses.

Elodie's First

Happy Birthday sweet girl! You complete our family in so many ways. We love your big smiles, crazy curls, and loving personality. You put up with our crazy in a beautiful way, and we couldn't imagine life without you.

elodie 1 year from Erika Herman on Vimeo.

Somehow I never posted this six months ago. Better late than never!

4 years

Britta turned four last week. That also pretty much marks the one year mark since I've updated this blog. Every time I look back and read old posts, I kick myself for not keeping this thing updated, No matter how many Instagram pictures I post, they don't fully capture all the things I want to remember about my life and my babies. Nothing quite replaces putting pen to paper (or something like that) and actually writing about our life.

For her birthday, Britta wanted nothing more than a Chuck E. Cheese party. I fought the idea pretty hard, just thinking about the bacterial breeding ground that is Chuck E. Cheese. I finally gave in, and despite the cloud of kid sweat that hit me in the face when we walked in, we had fun. Plus, I didn't have to clean up a thing. Not a thing, people. Which kind of makes Chuck E. Cheese parties the best thing ever.

To top it all off, we had an amazing cake that I scored big time at a local bakery for like $5. It was pink on pink on pink, and could not have been a better fit for B. This cake captured her essence, complete with a million crazy swirly candles of her choosing on top. Who needs just four candles?! Use the whole package, Mom!

Our neighbors gave us a free play kitchen that their girls have outgrown and she has been making us souffles since (or cold peas and cheese...whatever). Combine this with the Elsa Barbie that my parents got her and that goes everywhere with her--bed, daycare, park, I drew the line at the bath--and she would say it was the best birthday ever.

And she deserved it because, you know what? She's pretty much the best kid ever. Age four is a blessing. It is the reward for ages two and three. Seriously, parents of toddlers--hang in there! I'll need that reminder in a few months when Elle starts in on those tantrums and emotional upheavals.

I would like to say we are pretty much out of the woods with Britta girl. She's still a firebrand, always will be, but she has seriously tamed the emotional beast of the past few years. I really thought there were days that I was going to kill her or that perhaps I was downright broken as a mother because I wasn't sure I even liked her. She was defiant, sassy, and oh, did I mention over-the-top emotional? Like a huge fit of screaming and crying because her blanket wouldn't lay perfectly flat on her bed.

I think as she's become more capable verbally, physically, and intellectually, that she has been so much easier to handle. She is so sweet. She will help me with Elodie and she is the best big sister. She shares her snacks and toys without even being asked, and I've overhead her sticking up for her little sister on more than one occasion. She helps me with chores (still working on developing an enthusiastic attitude, but then who is enthusiastic about emptying the dishwasher?)

She loves to help me cook, which stresses me out to no end. She's always in my work space! Mama needs a bigger kitchen. She is so smart. She is learning more everyday. She writes her name and a few other basic words and is really starting to recognize all of her letters and their sounds. She is surprisingly good at math--she doesn't get that from me. And she is the most observant child I've ever met. She remembers events and details from stuff that happened ages ago and will bring stuff up that I had even forgotten.

She loves being in Primary, and thinks the fact that there's a microphone is the bees knees. She always wants to say the prayer at dinner and wants me to tell her stories about Jesus before bed.

She says the funniest stuff. Half the time she sounds like a 13 year old. If she is really excited about something or sees something at a store that she loves she says something like: "Oh my gosh, you've got to be kidding me! Mom, you've got to be kidding me! You should totally buy me this. Oh my gosh!" For reals.

She still loves TV more than anything else in this world and goes into full-on zombie mode when it is on. It's totally what we bribe her with.

She is so beautiful it hurts. I can't believe how big she is. Sometimes I look at her and just have to pinch myself knowing that we made this incredible kid. Happy birthday to the best 4 year old I know!

Seven Months

One day Elodie is going to look at this blog and feel second child syndrome crushing her soul when she compares the volume of posts between her and Britta. Hopefully I can point her in the direction of my Instagram feed which she clearly dominates, and she will feel a little less neglected.

At seven months old, this bouncing bundle of joy is a lot of fun. She is sitting up, but unlike her sister, she would still prefer to be on her belly. She knows that this is the position that is eventually going to get her moving.  And oh, how she wants to move. Every diaper or clothing change results in a sore back for me after I have finally wrestled this wiggly worm onto her back for longer than three seconds. I am currently perfecting the art of the backwards diaper change--pick your battles.

She is eating up a storm and loving it. In fact, she screams bloody murder unless you literally shovel food into her mouth. For this reason, Chris is the all star feeder. I want to give her dainty little bites and wipe her mouth between each one so she doesn't end up with food in her nose, eyes, and hair (always losing battle when you've got locks like hers). She is less than enthusiastic about my feeding skills. Now that she is eating solids, she is nursing slightly less, but not much.

I have worked her up to a 7-8 pm bedtime, which has her waking up between 6-7 am to eat and then back down for another hour or two. Britta was a solid 12 hour sleeper long before this age and I remember being ticked if she ever woke up before 8:00 in the morning. I secretly love Elodie's early morning snuggles, though, so I try not to begrudge her this sleep schedule. Sometimes I feel really bad for Britta--I am seriously more relaxed (read: too exhausted to care) this time around.

Her personality is beyond sweet. She is not much of a laugher, so I feel like it is a real accomplishment to get her going. She is a big time smiler though. For the most part, she is a super calm baby and she goes right along with the flow. She is not the best napper, but we are working on getting her on a better schedule.

At six months, her stats were: 14lb 7 oz.(25%) and 25.5 inches long (40%)--if I remember correctly.

Britta, my love.

This is Britta’s birthday week. My baby turns three in less than 48 hours. Just the other day I was taken aback hearing Britta call me “mom.” Every now and then the gravity and permanence of that realization hits me hard between the eyes. Someone calls me mom; another one knows I am her mom even if the words aren’t there yet. Then it dawned on me that not only am I a mom, I have been one for almost three years. How can the years fly by so quickly, yet the minutes until bedtime drag by at an almost unbearable crawl?

As her birthday approaches, I keep thinking how much I want to document so much about this age. I want to write a variety of posts about all of the many facets of Britta girl. For now I’ll focus on her temperament and personality.

The argument surrounding nurture over nature battles in my head each and every day with this fireball. I wonder how much of the way she acts is an innate part of her character and how much of what she does is a reflection of her age. As she is my first, I have no one to compare her to, so I wait with bated breath to see if we are going to outgrow the “terrible twos” or if she is always going to be dramatically stubborn and fiercely independent.

Britta is not for the faint of heart. Britta does nothing halfway; and I feel like her personality is a mirror of my relationship with her. I have very strong feelings for this girl. I alternately want to strangle her or just squeeze her silly. There is no middle ground.

She is 100% an emotional being. She vacillates from ecstatically happy one minute to beside herself devastated the next.  It is not uncommon for her to have thrown herself on the ground in an all-out meltdown five times before 8:00 am. Conversely, if it is 8:00 am and she hasn’t been singing and dancing for at least an hour you know there is something wrong. Just this week at church, an older lady in our ward told me that her and her friend used to make bets on how many times and how long it would be before we would have to drag a screaming Britta out of Sacrament meeting. The cause: usually that her pencil had fallen on the floor or some equally devastating tragedy. This lady told us this as a compliment, because we now can make it through the entire hour and fifteen minute service without the walk of shame out to the hallway.

She is all girl. If I let her dress herself it is pink on pink on pink. Every.Single.Time. She wants to be a princess, plays dress up, asks for her nails to be painted and wants a kitty for her birthday. She even flirts with older men. We are in for it.

Her currency is TV. I could not feed or bathe her for a week, but as long as the TV was switched on she wouldn’t even notice. Lucky for me, the promise of watching a show proves to be a very effective motivator. Bet you didn’t know that your two year old could empty the silverware from the dishwasher in 30 seconds flat, with complete accuracy, did you?

She is very literal. Things are what they are. Silliness is lost on her. He name is Britta—not “bud, sweetie, young lady, etc.” and don’t you forget it. Sometimes we really tick her off with our teasing.

She loves her sister. I mean, she LOVES that baby. She is going to a force to be reckoned with if Elodie is ever picked on.

Lately she has developed quite the attitude. When I ask her to do something she doesn’t want to do. She lets out an overly-dramatic sigh/moan and falls to the floor as if my request has drained her of all energy and will to live. She has also recently been very sweet. She will look up from her toys or coloring and say “Mom, I love you” for absolutely no reason at all. Those are the moments that make it all worthwhile. She craves my attention and affection. The more I get frustrated with her the more I realize that a lot of the time she acts out because she wants me to love on her. It’s hard to love on someone who has just dumped your green smoothie all over the carpet, but I’m working on it.

I have spent more time on my knees and in tears asking for forgiveness for my impatience with this sweet girl than I thought possible. Every time I think I’ve had a parenting breakthrough and I know how to handle her she throws me for a loop. And every time I think I’m at my wits end, she says or does something that makes me fall head over heels for her all over again.

I love you, my girl. You made me a mom--something I will always be, and something I will never stop learning to be. You are smart, funny, and beautiful. I am in awe sometimes that I actually made you and you’re mine. I want to keep you small forever and protect you from all the scariness in this world, but at the same time love to see you grow and learn and explore the world around you. Thank you for loving me and unconditionally forgiving me for all the mistakes I make on this ride called motherhood.

Five Months

Remember when all you had was a baby? One baby. Babies are a breeze. Two year olds? Whole different story, especially when you add an 'easy enough on her own' baby into the mix. I have all these good intentions to write about Elodie so that in my sleep-deprived, diaper changing, nursery rhyming stupor I can remember every little thing about her—because she is so worth remembering every little thing about.

I love that each one of my girls came hardwired with their own unique little personality. Elodie is a mover. Britta was a sitter. I loved that Britta was a sitter. I have mixed feelings about Elodie’s desire to be mobile. The second you lay that girl down she flips onto her belly to get a better view of the world and spins around in a circle or rocks her legs up underneath her. I have been tempted on more than one occasion to swipe those little legs out from under her to buy myself some more time before I have a crawler on my hands. 

Elodie goes wild for the Jumparoo. Britta only ever had mild interest in it. Britta was a talker. Elodie is a smiler. When she looks at you, she takes you in for a second and then the most beautiful, genuine smile bursts across her face like she just can’t hold it in any longer—as Britta puts it, “Mom, Elodie made me a smile!” 

Elodie is a mama’s girl. Britta only had eyes for Daddy. Elodie just wants her mama. I secretly love it—unless I’m doing dishes.

Elodie took longer than Britta to sleep through the night, but she is pretty solidly sleeping for ten hours straight now. She is tired by about seven, and wakes up about five. I would love it if we could get her to bed later and thus waking up later. We’re working on it. She is so easy going about naps, which is nice because I am not keeping her on nearly the same routine schedule as I did with Britta.

She is ready to start solid foods, but I am dragging my feet because A.) I don’t want her to grow up and B.) spoon feeding a baby takes foreverrrrr…. I am holding out hope, though, that a full belly will help her sleep longer at night.

At her four month checkup she weighed 13 lbs 12 oz (40^th percentile) and measured 25.5 inches long (75^th percentile). Her head was in the 25% percentile—it’s a good thing she has all that hair to cover her tiny noggin.  Aside from head size, she is pretty much exactly the same size Britta was at this age.

She is all around fun. Her giggles and smiles are the bright spot of my morning, and her kissable cheeks are the reward for this thing called motherhood.

2013 Review

January:

We started off the year excited about the newest member of our family--who we then thought would be a bouncing baby boy. We were also elated to find out that Chris had landed a job where he would be working from home.

February:

Britta girl celebrated her  second birthday with a Dumbo themed party. I had  mini breakdown realizing that my baby was truly no longer a baby.

March:

We spent the first ten days of March in glorious Hawaii. We basked in the sun, slept in, saw giant turtles, went to the zoo, and generally fell in love with the place.

April:

We found out that Baby Boy was really Baby Girl. We could not have been more excited.

May: 

At long last, Chris ended his career on the road and moved in to the sunroom off the kitchen as a makeshift office. The talk about buying a house began.

June:

We went to San Diego with my family and enjoyed the sun, beach, fair, Padres, and catching up with family.

July: 

Chris' brother and sister in law came to town to celebrate the 4th and we got ready for baby girl to come. I was seriously hoping she would come early.

August:

Elodie Mae was easily the star of the month. She did come five days early on the 21st, and has been an absolute joy in our lives since.

September:

I took both girls to visit my family in Utah to help them get ready for their move to Washington. When we got home, the home search began in earnest.

October:

We put an offer in on our first house. Chris turned 29 and we enjoyed a fun Halloween season alongside the stress of buying a home and potty training. My parents moved in with us while they waited for their house to be built in Southern Washington. We have loved having them here to help!

November:

Moving month. We closed on our house the week before Thanksgiving and moved in that night. I went back to work. *sigh*

December:

Christmas! I turned 27, we celebrated our 6th wedding anniversary and enjoyed having lots of family and friends visit.

2013 was a year full of blessings. We feel so grateful for our growing family, Chris' new job, and our new phase of life as homeowners Here's to a wonderful 2014 as well!

All things Christmas

This Christmas season was the most magical of my life because of the pure and simple joy it brought to Britta. She was old enough this year to appreciate the lights, the smells, and the sounds of Christmas and every experience was as exciting as the next. She experienced her first real snowfall, her first Christmas pageant where she was the sweetest angel in an over-sized sheet I have ever seen. Not that I'm biased or anything. She surprised us by memorizing multiple Christmas carols and singing them at the top of her lungs all.day.long. But really, it was adorable. She would come down every morning and turn the Christmas tree lights on before doing anything else. She embraced Rudolph, Frosty and the Grinch, but told me "I not like Santa...but I still want toys." On Christmas Eve as we got ready to leave cookies for Santa, she said "Mom, I don't want to sit on his lap" with tears in her eyes. We then had to reassure her that he was going to come while she was sleeping and there would not be any more lap-sitting required this year. (Are there any kids born with a natural love for Santa? ) I think she even understood by the end of the season, the reason we celebrate Christmas. I do think she got a little confused about the Nativity concept when Chris, Elodie and I posed as Joseph, Jesus, and Mary for our ward nativity. Later when we asked her what Jesus' mother's name was, she replied "Erika." We'll get it next year.

I may be even more of a Christmas fanatic than I have been ever before. I can't wait to see both of my girls enjoy the magic next year and in years to come.